Notes to my Mother-in-Law by Phyllida Law

Author:Phyllida Law
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers

You are sound asleep, thank heaven, but I have put your drink on the table in case you wake. The yellow pill in the spoon beside it should be taken if you are in any pain at all. I’ll leave the landing light on, just in case, and our door is open. Have put bell by wireless. Don’t hesitate to use it.

We are all so relieved that you are home. How you did it without breaking something I will never know. The noise was tremendous. Like three loads of laundry with boots on. And it was followed by this eerie silence when Virginia and I sat open-mouthed with eyebrows in our hair.

The ambulance men (one was a girl, did you notice?) told me you shouldn’t have been wrapped up so warmly. I always thought you had to keep the patient warm. I forget what they said now, of course, but it’s something to do with bringing the blood too near the surface of the skin, which would be foolish if you needed an operation or anything, which, of course, was why I didn’t give you any tea, darling. I felt such a cow. And you were just coming downstairs for a cup too. Bet you were parched. Also, I didn’t come with you in the ambulance because I couldn’t have got home again in time for the girls. So there you were with a cushion under your head and your feet in the air saying you were sorry. I found your other shoe under the hallstand, but I can’t find your deaf-aid anywhere.

Not surprisingly, I forgot the gingerbread so the edges are all black but the middle is surprisingly edible, if a bit chewy, so we just sat and ate it out of the tin. I’ll have to soak the edges off.

Your specs flew off and you landed on them so one of the legs is a bit bent. Dad has been trying to straighten them over the gas, but he’s a bit tentative so I’ll take them round to the oculist tomorrow.

But I’m amazed you didn’t smash something. There’s only a little chip on the hallstand and at least this time you weren’t wearing two pairs of bloomers. Remember when you broke your leg in Scotland and you had put on two of absolutely everything for fireworks? That little Indian doctor had rather a testing time cutting you out of your drawers. He probably thought it was an ancient Scottish custom.

There is a bit of a bump on the side of your forehead, which will probably show up more tomorrow. You must have biffed your head on the banisters. Nurse thought you may get a black eye. Ooh. Gorgeous.

I’ll just prop this up against the clock in case you wake. Take the yellow pill, darling.

Didn’t they use to put a raw steak on a black eye? Why?

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